Do you have trouble simultaneously identifying yourself as mommy and sexy wife? When you become absorbed in the day-to-day tasks of child rearing, it’s easy to lose your identity as a woman. You evolve into wearing “mom jeans” and having “mom hair.”
It’s not easy to balance the sound of your children’s voices or the sound of a crying baby with feeling attractive and attracted to your mate.
There are many contributors to this problem:
- Less time to give to your appearance
- Poor sleep that affects your energy and sexual interest
- Increase stress from the daily grind
- Shifting priorities from you to the kids (example, shopping for kids first)
- Weight gain that affects your self-esteem
Immediately post-partum, your sensual private areas become functional anatomy (your vagina is your children’s gateway to the world and your breasts are a food source)
Some women may have mild post-partum depression that can last for a long period after giving birth. One review showed that some women who were depressed, but never got treated had symptoms that lasted up to three years.
Let’s suppose you are not depressed, but simply mommified. This word hasn’t made it to the dictionary yet, but my definition is the following:
Mommification is the process of transforming from appreciating the sensual details of your feminine identity to maintaining only the bare essentials to allow for optimal time to care for others.
Here are some ways to prevent or reverse mommification.
Change your comfy clothes to something sexy. Have you started wearing sweatpants around the house because they are comfortable? It’s fine to be comfortable. But instead of the sweat pants, get a Victoria’s Secret type of lounge pants and top that are just as comfortable as sweat pants, but make you look and feel pretty.
Have a room that is completely free of kids’ toys. The sight of toys, bottles and anything “mommy” can kill your sexy persona. Have a place in your home that you can escape to that lets you feel like a sexy woman.
Invest in new undergarments. Tight panties are depressing, but you are absolutely NOT allowed to continue wearing your maternity panties. If you’ve gained weight, don’t wait until you lose weight to get a new pair of panties. You don’t want to resign yourself to a new larger set of clothes, so just buy a few larger pair with a sexy print to get you by until you lose weight. You will feel much better looking down at yourself when you see those pretty panties.
Your weight may not be the issue. You could have ratty looking, faded bras and panties because you haven’t shopped for yourself in ages. Get a new bra that complements your bust line. A properly fitting bra makes a huge difference in your posture, daytime comfort and how your breasts look in a blouse.
Pamper your body. Touch is a very soothing sensation. Pamper yourself with a massage, pedicure and/or manicure. If you can’t get to a spa, create one in your home. Take a warm bath with candles and a relaxing essential oil, such as lavender. Listen to some adult music that doesn’t remind you of your kids. If you have trouble capturing this kind of time on a regular basis, plan it into your schedule for 15 minutes once a week.
Give yourself a foot massage also using a few drops of an essential oil mixed with a carrier oil such as jojoba or olive oil.
For smooth skin, you can use a body brush to remove dead skin. You use the brush on your dry body just before you get into the bath. After your bath, moisturize your skin with a light oil such as grapeseed oil or a body cream of your choice. Your skin is the largest organ on our body and having smooth, silky skin can make you feel sexy.
Spend time with other women friends. This can really help you break out of mommy mode and recapture your womanly mode.
Hit the gym. Get your endorphins going. A good stretch in yoga pants can make you feel like you’re pampering your body. Take a Yoga class either at a facility or purchase a DVD. Yoga is excellent for stretching and strengthening your body. When your body feels good, you feel good.
Plan a weekend getaway. Leaving your environment and getting away without the kids can do wonders to recharge you. When you are away from your environment, it’s easier to assume a different role and explore new interests.
Plan a special activity with your mate. This can take the form of a date night, or you can spend time together at home alone doing things you did together before you had children. This could be as simple as watching an adult movie together.
Being a mom and being sexy are not mutually exclusive. Becoming a mother should be an enhancement of who you are and should not transform you to someone you find boring and frumpy. If you’re not pleased with how you look when you separate yourself from the mom role, it’s time to de-mommify yourself and reunite with your sexy self.